Should we serve the men first?


Being a mother to small children often comes with its setbacks. Eating a cold meal is common for a mother having to feed their children during meal times as well. With that said it’s understandable for this to happen when your child needs attention during meal time, but what about your husband? Ok so the title of this blog is not going to be as deep as it sounds. This is not meant metaphorically I mean literally… Should we serve men DINNER first?

Growing up in my house it was always first come first serve unless it was your birthday or Mother’s/Father’s Day. My mom would announce dinner was done and we would all sit at the table and start grabbing our food or line up to make our plates and first to arrive was the lucky one who got first pick at all the wonderful food. Recently I have heard it was an old Italian tradition to serve the males first and women eat last. Actually besides the men eating first I have heard the traditional Italian mother/wife often found themselves eating alone after everyone else has finished and gone from the table. For some reason I found this tradition beautiful and inspiring. 

I love the thought of being so selfless that even when it comes to a dinner that you slaved over a hot stove making everyone else’s needs fall before your own. Now with that said, is this something I’ll adopt, change and never look back? Well no, but I do try and make little efforts to allow my husband to make his plate before mine. I don’t know what it is about this old tradition, but I like the thought of it. I can’t even give a solid reasoning behind it, but it’s something I would like to do.

Do you have any traditions such as this? Do you serve dinner to the males in the room before the women? How do you feel about serving the men first? 

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6 thoughts on “Should we serve the men first?

  1. annwjwhite says:

    Wow, my upbringing was so different. We didn’t touch the food until the small ones were settled. And my father never ate before my mother. They were equal in the house, and powerfully so. You didn’t diss my mother, she took care of that. You didn’t diss my father, he took care of that. We couldn’t play them against each other. Don’t even think of that.
    If we had guests, they were always served first. Dad and Mom handed out portions together. My mom was civil rights aware person and my dad was a feminist. We had some good examples of what team making is.

    In my home, we work together. In fact, the men in my family do the dishes, clear the table, and insist that since the women in the family had worked in the kitchen to make the meal (my husband helps cook too) that they get a break when the meal is done.

    Liked by 2 people

    • VintageFeminist says:

      I love the way that sounds as well! That is more like how my house works, but I 99% of the time do the dishes and clear the table. My husband cooks often though because he is very good at it and a foodie 😉 where I am a fine cook, but not a foodie. He enjoys it! Which is so nice with a baby under 1 year old.

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  2. Suze says:

    We all sat down at the table in the evenings and the serving dishes passed around. I took care of the baby so it was my meal that was usually cold by the time I could eat. In my own home, with George being deployed so many times, the boys sat with me and we all ate at the same time. Now the kids are gone, we eat wherever whenever. george’s schedule is the opposite of mine, so we rarely get a meal together. I hate the idea of a mom serving everyone then sometime later managing to eat her own food. that is a servile position in my head and I just can’t wrap my mind around it to be anything but abusive. It is an old world tradition and frankly one I am glad we never had.

    Liked by 1 person

    • VintageFeminist says:

      Interesting take. I believe being a mom that just comes along with the program. Not much you can do about it until they are old enough to serve and feed themselves. Now husband is different, but as a stay at home I personally think it’s a nice gesture to allow them to come home and eat first. My dream was always to be a stay at home mom and I am so grateful for my husband to work so hard so I can do that. It’s some people’s way to show appreciation. Now I wouldn’t call it abusive because of what I read like you said very old world tradition those women LOVE to take care of their families to that extent. Now if someone was treated as a servant without the choice of course.

      Liked by 1 person

    • VintageFeminist says:

      If any husband actually EXPECTED it they would definitely have to be taken down a few notches. Curious if those Italian families I’ve read about the husband actually expects it or not. Curious if there would be tension if the women decided one day she was going to eat first. Interesting for sure.

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